We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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