Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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