I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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