I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
