i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
