Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
