i already hear my dad disowning me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
