your parents love me but you hate me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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