Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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