your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
