I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
