i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
