I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
