I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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