Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
