i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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