Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
