she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
