great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
