I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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