This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
