My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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