Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
