I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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