this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
