White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
