Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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