i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize