Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
