I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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