It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
