oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come on in and take your pants off
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