Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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