Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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