We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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