i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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