theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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