I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
