so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
