i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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