I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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