Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
