maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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