Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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