Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
