I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
