The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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