I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
