For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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