i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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