I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Randomize
