We won't sleep together?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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