Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
