so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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