All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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