In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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