u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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