We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
