i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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