you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
