She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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