I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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