Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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