she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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