if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize