Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
