omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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