so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My feet surprised me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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