True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
