woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
