Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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