i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
