3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
where are my eyebrows?
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