Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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