I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
