WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
