Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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