dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
