So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
