i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
