Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
