New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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