i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
