Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
