he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
