Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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