watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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