Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
