oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize