you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
