$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
