Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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