Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Found the puke drawer
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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