My liver just broke up with me...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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