Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize