Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we should paint friendship bongs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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