Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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