if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
