did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
