I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You dont lie about slip and slides
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
