He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
