his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
