I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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