I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
