Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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