my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
