Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
