Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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