Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize