I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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