I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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