i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I fill condoms, not promises.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
